Reversing Time

Megan.jpg

I was brought to Kaiut Yoga at 38, already feeling the effects of time, gravity and habituation in my body. More and more those little aches and pains would turn into chronic pain patterns, more often my low back would go out, my neck would get stiff or I just felt lower energy even at the beginning of the day. At the time, I was going through a ‘healing crisis’: the 5/8” shoe lift my orthopedic doc had recommend I be walking on 20 years earlier had started to give me headaches and knee pain, and my hips were stiffening dramatically. I felt my body was wanting to change structurally (which I trusted) but didn’t have any idea what it was capable of, and I didn’t have a form within which to navigate this possible change.

Francisco said: ‘Just do the sequences’.  He didn’t give too much energy to any of it, but guided me to learn for myself what was possible with Kaiut Yoga. Time passed. I stayed with the sequences and many things changed in the structure of my body (including not walking with a lift at all). My muscle tone changed, my reflexes got better, my general chronic pain and stiffness diminished. Even more significant, however, is a diminished orientation to my limitations, a deeper sense of available resource and holistic connection with myself, a true and ongoing healing. Without Kaiut Yoga, I believe that the patterns of restriction, developed through life and a history of many surgeries and body casts as a child to reconstruct hip sockets would have diminished my mobility over time to significantly limit my capacity in many ways in this life. I had started to feel that future unfolding 4 years ago before I came to Kaiut Yoga.

I have encountered a variety of tools in my life to heal, grow and develop my body, mind, heart and soul. Much has helped, but only Kaiut Yoga has reengaged my whole system with its innate capacity to regenerate, reeducate and remind my body of its potential, rather than habituate to its limitations. I feel that this has truly changed and even saved my life.

My mind wants to make this practice something I am doing in this moment, through the pose: “what is it about this sukhasana that is opening my hip?” At the end of a class my hips feel more open (and I think that’s good), and I assess that I am getting benefit from the class. But what I am discovering as I move through the sequences over time is that the benefit is only minimally about my hips having less rigidity and more about what the sequences are doing systemically to open and reorient my body to its natural healing, innate potential and systemic developmental processes.

Sometimes spontaneously in a practice I will have a deep interior sense of a structure: a joint or a part of my anatomy (not from my mind but as a felt sense). It feels like awareness is getting connected up in my body, as if the pose is not just as some shape my body is taking, and the sequence not just a series of postures, but all of it an opportunity for my body to re-member its intelligence. The sensation created by the pressure of a pose draws my attention deeply into my physical structure. The focus and time spent there engages my awareness and initiates something deep within me that I don't understand. My body reads that awareness and engagement and a light goes on. Like turning on the lights in a room: it becomes clear what is in there. My body recognizes itself as a mainframe of alive, generative activity; rather than a bag of unconscious habits. My whole system relates more completely to its natural intelligence, from my bones to my skin, from my physicality to my luminosity. Healing takes place that I never thought was possible. I see my future differently. I change my orientation to my past. My life is changed. What a blessing.

Namaste,

Megan Eggers Zubaedi

Kaiut Yoga Teacher, Boulder CO